


Why Molly Weasley Should Not Rag on Sirius Black

by ebomb12996



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Insane!Sirius, crackfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-01
Updated: 2018-11-06
Packaged: 2019-01-27 16:32:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12586048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ebomb12996/pseuds/ebomb12996
Summary: Molly Weasley ragging on Sirius Black about how he wasn’t there for Harry and how he doesn’t act like a ‘real’ adult has always annoyed me. So, let’s get some perspective about this situation. What if Sirius didn’t come out of Azkaban as sane as he was in the books? What would happen to Pettigrew, Harry, Remus, Ron and Hermione?





	1. Chapter 1

Sirius shuddered and drew his ragged robes closer to his huddled body. The clinking of keys came up and down the hallway—the wardens coming through to see if anyone had died yet. The laughter started and Sirius joined in, cackling in a concert with his mad cousin, Bellatrix. Suddenly something changed, he could feel warmth.

Shocked, he shifted backwards fleeing away from the warmth. However, voices penetrated his mind, and they weren’t the usual ones he heard either. No, they weren’t James, Lily, Remus or Little Harry; it sounded like two different men—one pompous and the other one subservient.

“…and you’re sure that—” The pompous voice called out.

“Yes, Minister. The Dementors are fully under our—” coughing rang out into the hallway, echoing upon the damp stone walls. “Excuse me, the Ministry’s control.”

“Yes, well, very good Dobson. Now,” the newly named Minister continued.

Sirius edged closer to the cell bars, eager to hear more—to have a conversation with a _sane_ person. “M—M—” he coughed out, voice straining from use other than to cackle or scream. He tried again. “M—Minister!” He called out in a strained whisper just as the Minister and Dobson were passing by.

The Minister whirled around, purple robes flying everywhere. “What is it! Who is it!” He demanded.

Sirius noticed the paper in his hand and smiled lopsidedly. “Don’t suppose I could ‘ave your paper?”

Shocked, the Minister glanced down, to Sirius, and then to the guard. Not seeing any help coming, he faltered in the face of notorious mass murder Sirius Black. “Black. Ah, well. I suppose.” He said as he abruptly thrust the paper through the bars, carefully not coming close to Sirius—afraid that he would catch something if he was closer than three feet.

Sirius widely grinned, showing off his yellowed, plaque covered teeth. “Why thank you Minister! I’m afraid I have missed catching up on the Falmouth Falcons! How are they doing this year?”

“Tha’s enough outa you!” Dobson yelled, finally getting a handle on the situation. “Shuddup and go to sleep or somethin’.”

“Yeah, yeah…” Sirius yawned, waving the guard away with a limp hand as the other searched through the gloomy light to find the paper that the Minister had so thoughtfully given him. Goal reached, he let out a low cackle and held the front page up to the light.

_Hmmm, what a beautiful family **. There!**_ He let out a growl. _Oh, there was the slimy rat. Oh, he was going to make **it** soooo sorry for betraying Lily and James. Oh yes. Yes, he would. The **rat** would be far more than sorry by the time he was done with it. Oh yes. The **rat** would be insane! **Hahahahahahahaha**_ **!**

The cell block filled with the sound of Sirius’s insane cackling laughter, and he was filled with purpose for the first time in however many years he had been thrown in Azkaban for.

 


	2. Number 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Padfoot finds a lead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has turned into a large crack fic so please keep that in mind while you read! Enjoy!

Later, after what could have been minutes, hours, or days the despair retreated and Sirius huddled closer to the now grimy paper, gazing at the form of his former friend. A wide grin spread across his face as he had a revelation. _What if. What if Padfoot can escape but Sirius can’t?_ With that thought, he quickly changed and patiently waited, getting up and pacing around his small cell every few minutes.

His patience paid off and as a guard delivered food, Padfoot rushed forwards and grabbed his wand. Quickly transforming back, Sirius stuffed the guard’s mouth full of the hard old bread that was the meal. Sirius ripped the guard’s uniform and immobilized him in the darkest corner of the cell while painting his face, hands and hair with dirt as a disguise. His groundwork done, Sirius changed back into Padfoot and with the wand in his mouth happily ran off the island and into the cold dark sea.

Days later, he heaved his frozen, soaking, exhausted body upon the rocky shore of England and lay still for a while until he remembered the rat. He quickly changed back into Sirius and felt around his ragged dirty robes for the piece of the paper he brought with, to no avail. _No, no no! Where **is** it? It has **Peter in it!** It **can’t** disappear! No! Not like-Not like Lily and-and-No! I **will catch him and make him pay!**_

Sirius shook his wet hair, making dirty water fly in the air before changing back to Padfoot. _Not time to be seen yet. Nooo. Not time._

A Few Days Later, Somewhere in England…

A giant black dog that looked positively skeletal shook it’s head fiercely as it lurked outside a Wizarding Pub searching for information about the family with the **rat**. Eventually, his ears perked up—someone mentioned that family!

“…Bloody shame it was, wasn’t it? Them not using the money for their children but for a trip to Egypt! Damn Arthur, you’d think he’d want his kids to have properly matched wands and a familiar different from a damn rat that was found wandering around one day. Weasley, he can be a bloody idiot sometimes. Eh, mate?”

 _Hmm, interesting_. Padfoot thought as he chewed on a moldy boot, the flavors bursting through his mouth. _So this Weasley family—wait, wasn’t there Weasleys in the Order? Eh, oh well. They’ve been helping Peter. They must **pay**! I wonder where they live… Did Sirius ever go there? I wonder. Maybe—maybe—maybe I could just go and have a peaksy. Hmm, they can’t live far. I mean that fellow person sounded like he knew them well… Maybe I could follow him? Possibly get some food? Food. Yes. Food. Sirius will be mad… But FOOD!_

With the decision made, Padfoot followed the old tottering wizard and barked to get his attention when he was about to apparate away. The old wizard leaned down to see Padfoot better and promptly fell on his ass. “Please! Please! No! I have—I have to live!” He screamed in terror at seeing what he believed was the Grim. Padfoot gave a quiet Woof of amusement before lopping over to the wizard and giving him a big sloppy kiss from his forehead to his chin.

The wetness on his face made the wizard pause in his pleads as he felt the liquid and realized that no, he was not crying in terror.

“Well, you’re not so scary, are ya?” The doddering wizard asked Padfoot. Padfoot barked and pawed at the wizard. “Ya want to come ‘ome with me, ya?” Padfoot wuffed again. “Well, ‘ight then.” Without even checking if Padfoot was an animagus, the old wizard grabbed the scruff of Padfoot’s neck and apparated away.

Unused to apparition, when the wizard let go Padfoot stumbled around and the wizard laughed. “Well mate, m’name’s Perkins. You need a name. What about Pancake. Eh? Sound good. O’course it does!” With a chuckle, Perkins unlocked his door and filled a bowl full of meat for the newly dubbed Pancake.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Padfoot gets a lift to his target
> 
> Sorry for the long wait and how short the new chapter is!

_ Pancake. What an idiotic name! _ Padfoot sneered as he chowed down on the delicious food offered to him.  _ Mnmm so much better than that mangy old boot! Maybe I should stay here for a bit. Just to see how I can get to the  _ **_rat_ ** _.  _

With the decision made, Padfoot went snooping around the small living room. Seeing a pile of fabric, he sniffed it carefully before deciding what the hell and running full stop inside. He barked joyfully as he saw the large interior full of bright colors, not that he could see the true brightness as a dog, but sneezed as the scent of old cats permeated his nostrils. Nose flaring, he decided to roll around to get  **his** scent in the tent before falling asleep.

Due to the silencing charm that Perkins had put in the living room of the tent, when he awoke and packed up the tent he was unaware as to Padfoot’s whereabouts. “Pancake? Pancake?” He desperately called, searching for the thin mongrel he had brought home the night before. “Where are you?” After calling into the cool summer’s air for a good five minutes, he shrugged and fit the tent into his suitcase before heading to the ministry. 

“Ah, Arthur. Here you go! One wizarding tent!” Perkins cheerfully said, rummaging in his suitcase for the mentioned tent while doing so. He handed it off to Arthur and trotted back to his desk before diving into the stack of parchment precariously placed on the desk.

Arthur happily called out a thank you to his elderly employee and left the office to head home to his family at the Burrow. Floo powder was thrown into the fire and Arthur made sure to have a tight hold on his suitcase and Perkin’s tent as he called out “The Burrow”.

“Hello Weasleys! Harry, Hermione.”

“Hello!” Was the response that chorused back to the newly arrived Arthur as he stepped out of the fireplace, shaking the soot off of his clothes. 

Some of the ash landed in the fold of the tent, and sunk in. Inside the tent, Padfoot’s emaciated, tired form was slowly covered in floo powder ashes.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know if Sirius's insanity is written well or not! I've never written an insane character before so it's a new challenge! Also, not a one-shot and so will be updated, if a bit slowly! So if you like the premise and want more please hit that subscribe button!


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